How Not To Lose Your Cellphone
& Still Look Cool
by Chuck Reuben
shawnee@unm.edu
(Editor's Note: After running this story for almost a year, I have found that the easiest way to keep from losing your cellphone can be purchased here, from Key-Bak.)
Thirty million cell phones are lost in the U.S. every year.
That's 160,000 every day or, simply put: Two Americans are freaking out every second because they just realized that their cell phone is gone....Gone....GONE!
And although the Find My Phone app offers the promise of reuniting us with our lost iPhones, it only finds 7% of them.
I am addicted to my iPhone, and if I lose it, I will lose my mind.
My iPhone 12 Pro Max helps me shop, bank, Zoom, and FaceTime. It is also handy for hailing an Uber or checking the status of a flight.
I use its GPS to find out when the next city bus will arrive, and when I get on the bus, I read an e-book on it. As an editor, I use its camera and apps all the time. But nobody ever calls me, so I rarely use it as a telephone.
Unless you are a Philistine or a flip-phone user, I am thinking you also have a close relationship with your smartphone, as well! The big problem is that those damn phones do not give a rat’s ass about us.
When we lose our iPhones, our identities, intellectual property, money, and personal information are at risk. We are only one username and password away from disaster. Apple tells us to let them brick our devices if we lose them, but do we want to turn our expensive phones into worthless bricks? Is that the best solution to losing a smartphone?
Wouldn't life be better if we did not lose our phones? Apple and other manufacturers could just drill a hole into the bottom of its phone if they didn’t want us to lose our phones! They could use a simple solution to keep our phones attached to that hole. Even during the glory days of the railroad pocket watch, most manufacturers placed a metal ring above its mechanical winder. The ring would connect the watch to its owner by a gold chain. And those pocket watches, even the cheapest ones, lasted one hundred years. Today you’re lucky to get five years out of a smartphone.
The fact is the companies that make our cell phones want us to lose them. Then they’ll make even more money: If you lose your $1200 iPhone, you'll just have to buy another one! And although insurance policies offer some compensation, you’re still looking at a big deductible and the headache of resetting your new phone.
My mom used to say, "Chucky, you'd lose your head if you weren’t attached to it!" Her words inspired me to find a way to stay attached to my phone. My early attempts at tethering myself to the phone restricted my movements. I also looked dorky as hell, and some were downright dangerous. I would dangle my smartphone from an old conference lanyard that hung around my neck. The lanyard kept me united with my phone, but there was always the risk of strangulation if the lanyard got caught on something.
After extensive research, I found a robust cellphone cover on eBay which looked like something Darth Vader would carry. It had a hole in its bottom where I could attach a cord. Two metal plates were sandwiched together and secured with eight tiny metal screws. Although a hole was the right idea, the metal plates were all wrong, and it took me and my phone company (T Mobile) years to figure this out. In fact, the metal plates and screws were acting like what scientists call a Faraday cage that prevented phone signals from entering and leaving my phone. I kept blaming T-Mobile for my poor reception. They responded by sending me free signal boosters to scatter around my house.
Unfortunately, those boosters did not work, and I wasted many months trying to figure out why.
When I switched to plastic, my signal problems went away and the phone worked, much to everyone’s surprise and relief. Finally I found a case for my iPhone that solved my problems. It comes in a variety of sizes to fit every cellphone. It has two sturdy and balanced tabs at its base that allow me to connect myself to the phone. The snug plastic case protects it. Signals enter and leave my phone without interference. Since it has no screws, there is even less interference.
However, one drawback worth mentioning is that plastic is not as robust as metal which is why I've made it a habit of replacing it yearly when the transparent plastic changes to brown.
I never enjoyed wearing a phone around my neck. Not only was strangulation a risk, but it looked silly. We all want to look like the cool guy or gal who slips his or her phone into their stylishly ripped blue jeans. But how? The solution to the coolness problem comes in a product manufactured by Key-Bak. It’s called the The Ratch-It Locking Carabiner Keychain. (You will need to specify "belt clip" on the ordering form if you want the model that I have....otherwise they will have to hang a carabiner from your belt loop.)
Key-Bak is an American company that has been building retractable keychains for over 70 years!
"West Coast Chain Manufacturing Co. founder W.R. Lummis invented the Original KEY-BAK® Self-Retracting Key Reel in 1948. As a switchman on the Pacific Electric Railway in Los Angeles, he saw brakemen and switchmen injured when their dangling key chains got caught on moving trains," reads the "About Us" section of their website.
It says it all in the description:
"The SUPER48 Heavy Duty Retractable Keychain was built for rugged use and hard work. The durable black polycarbonate case is impact resistant, and the retractable cord made with DuPont™ Kevlar® fiber is guaranteed to outlast any other retractable key holders on the market. Attach your keys or small tools to the oversized split ring and secure the clip to your belt. When you need your keys just pull them out and when you're done let them go: the built-in tether retracts back into place, secure the ball-joint lock until you need them again."
The Retractable keychain attaches to a round pull-apart key ring. This is a quick-release key holder that keeps you attached to your phone. You will need a couple of one-inch split key rings to attach to the plastic holes in the phone case. You may think that you'll get tangled up in the cord, but you won’t. Thanks to the placement and design of the holes, the phone sits securely in its plastic case and slips in and out of your pocket seamlessly. Also, thanks to the ingenious ratcheting design of the keychain, you will drop your phone a lot less....and when you drop it, it will retract or lock before it hits the ground. Click to view larger image.
(I was just informed by Key-Bak that they have just introduced their own way — a much more affordable way — of protecting your cellphone from loss. Please click this sentence to see their offering!)
Thank you for visiting chucksville.com!
Cheers
from
Chuck!
shawnee@unm.edu
Thank you!
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